An elderly man needs to leave for lengthy a business trip, but his wife is saddened by this.

She explains to him that if he isn’t home every night, there will be no way to satisfy herself if she feels horny.

The man claims that she doesn’t need s*x, because a d!ldo should work just fine.

He quickly runs to the local gift shop and asks the cashier if the store carries anything really special.

The cashier quietly pulls out an old box, and removes a wooden pen!s from inside.

The cashier states that the dildo has been passed down in his family for generations, and was crafted by a witch deep within the Amazon jungle.

The cashier sits up in his chair and shouts “Voodoo D!ck, the door!”

The wooden pen!s flies across the room, and begins to rapidly thrust itself in and out of the front door keyhole.

“Voodoo D!ck, the lamp!”

The wooden pen!s flies up inside of the lamp on the cahsier’s desk, and once again, begins to thrust in and out.

“Voodoo D!ck, return to your box!”

The wooden pen!s flies back into the box and the cashier closes the lid.

The man chooses to buy the wooden pen!s, and just as he is about to leave, the cashier tells him a very important bit of information regarding the Voodoo D!ck:

“The d!ldo can only be controlled through verbal commands, it is far too powerful to be moved by hand.” says the cashier.

“You must never forget that!”

The man nods and heads home.

Later that day, the elderly man explains to his wife how the s*x toy works, and then leaves for his trip.

A few days later, the wife becomes very horny and opens up the box.

She proceeds to shout “Voodoo D!ck, my pu$$y!”

The d!ldo zooms into her [email protected], and pleasures her for roughly 6-8 hours.

She soon begins to grow tired and attempts to pull the d!ldo out of her.

She pulls as hard as she can, but just can’t get it.

The wife panics, and begins driving to the hospital with the wooden pen!s still inside of her vagina.

A police officer pulls her over for speeding and asks to see some identification.

The wife exclaims

“Help, help, there is a Voodoo D!ck inside of my [email protected] and it won’t come out!”

The officer raises an eyebrow in disbelief.

“Voodoo D!ck my a$s!”

The Voodoo D!ck then flies out of the woman’s [email protected] and inside the officer’s a$s.

The officer says

“WHAT THE HELL GET THIS THING OUT OF MY A$SHOLE!”

The woman laughs and replies,

“Thanks, officer” and turns around and goes home.