A man’s wife tells him if he comes home drunk one more time she’ll divorce him.
Later that night he’s at the pub and gets so drunk that he pukes all over his shirt.
“Oh no! I’m in big trouble now. My wife said she’ll divorce me if i come home drunk again!”
His friend tells him not to worry. “Just put a twenty dollar bill in your shirt pocket, and when she sees you just tell her that someone else threw up on you. And show her the twenty and say he gave it to you to pay for the cleaning bill.”
Agreeing that this solves the problem, he relaxes and orders another drink.
Later that night when he gets home, his wife sees him and becomes enraged. “Look at you! You’re so drunk you threw up all over yourself! We’re through!”
“No no no i can explain! Another man threw up on me. See look, he gave me this twenty dollars to pay for the cleaning bill.”
“Ok but what’s that other twenty dollar bill in your pocket?”
“Ah yes… That is from the man who shat in my pants.”